Every year, millions of people across the country head out to their local fairs, whether it be a county or a state fair, and spend ridiculous amounts of money on things that could kill them. Fair rides always seem to take some lives every year due to the shoddiness of their reassembly or lack of planning on how they exactly work. Occasionally you get a fight that breaks out in a stabbing or shooting on fair grounds as well. Little do people suspect, that the item that is probably killing them off the most is the very food that they eat.
I myself have gone to local fairs, looking forward to the strange new foods that might be available. In the past, it was never a big deal. While fried food is common at these fairs, a little fried food isn't going to send me to my grave much faster than I would already by going. Especially when fairs are usually a yearly occurrence.
Even with the selection of fried goods, my favorite go-to fair food was turkey legs. While they appear to be bigger than any turkey leg I've ever had for a Thanksgiving feast, they were no more likely to kill me than whatever fast food or TV dinner I would have probably popped in my mouth if I hadn't attended the fair on that particular day. Just a week ago, I even tried fried alligator for the first time (it was okay, but lacked flavor and was a bit chewy).
In the last 10 years or so, the gods of fried food stepped up their game and created meals that could probably kill a person on the spot.
First, I noticed sweets that were fried. Twinkies, Snickers, and Oreos appeared to be the first ones that I could tell. I even gained the courage to try the fried Oreos, only to be disappointed by the lack of the addicting Oreo cream and the mushiness of the whole desert because of the addition of grease from frying the snack. Instantly I found myself turned off by the whole ideal.
Even then, I always kept a look out for what the new concoction would be when a fair rolled into my region. Snacks such as fried chocolate covered bacon appeared and partially because of my experience with the fried Oreos and for my lack of appetite for chocolate, I refrained from buying the newest fried good.
What came next, I could not have ever foreseen. Fried butter. Yep, you read that right. Fried butter. Apparently it comes with a slight cinnamon flavor, but essentially you are just eating fried grease, fried in liquid grease. If the gods of fried food were ever going to try to kill you, this is the weapon they would pick.
When I saw fried butter for the first time at the San Diego County Fair, I thought to myself that no one would ever order something like that. To some small degree, I can understand someone trying a fried dessert because you might enjoy that dessert in an un-fried form. And while people enjoy the flavor on things such as popcorn, it's not usually something you would grab from your refrigerator and eat like a candy bar.
Somehow, despite the absurdity of the fried good, people ordered the fried butter. Millions of pounds of it must have been sold across America. And why? I don't know. I can only guess that America's obsession with fatty foods has reached it's pinnacle. At least I hope so. The only thing worse that I can think of is the concession stand worker scooping up a cup of the fry machine oil, putting a straw and lid on it, and selling it for $10.
While food you don't normally have on a regular basis and can't get everyday at a typical restaurant is an okay thing to have occasionally, it feels that fried butter was only invented to kill it's consumer instantly. Other than the cigarette industry, I can't think of a product that is made with the thinly veiled attempt to hide that the product is a poor health choice.
Hopefully with the long life ahead, I almost shudder to think what the fair-food industry will come up with next.
*picture taken by Daniel Millhouse at the San Diego County Fair
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