When Money Supersedes Morals

For as long as currency has been around, there have been people around to find ways to hurt their fellow man to gain more wealth. Whether it was snipping off pieces of gold, silver, or other valuable metal from coins, to selling out Jesus (depending on your religious and personal views) for 30 pieces of silver (most likely Tyrian shekels), or stealing a sale for commission from a fellow co-worker, people will often do things that would be against many other people's moral values.

People will fight for the almighty dollar today, step on each other's necks if they have to, but for what? When they go back home, can they honestly say to their family that they ethical in any sort of way? What happens when their kids ask a question about what's fair and what isn't when it concerns how they should treat others? Do the parents tell their kids the truth about what they have done?

Even with the way people will treat their fellow man to gain an extra dollar, it appears that things are worse today. Of course people did it in the past in different ways, but people hide it better in modern times. In the past you had people that sold "tonics" that would cure the average person, sell devices that would make you look or feel better, and even people that "sold" the Brooklyn Bridge over and over again. The thing was that most of the general public back then knew that these were conmen trying to dupe them out of their money.

Of course there have been scandals such as Bernie Madoff's pyramid scheme in the modern times, but otherwise, many of your people that set aside their integrity to make an extra dollar, are either a lot harder to detect or even accepted as just a part of everyday society. Many of the "1%" fit into this category, even if they legitimately started off trying to run an ethical business. To become extremely wealthy in today's society, it's commonly known that most of the wealthy stepped on at least a few necks to get where they are at.

But what does this say of the future? It's okay to set aside your integrity for an extra buck, as long as you hide it better or make a lot of money? If more and more people today don't teach their kids that morals should outweigh the power of making an extra dollar at the expense of their fellow man, tomorrow's society can turn into a financial version of the Old West. Is that really the type of society people want their children learning and facilitating when they grow up?

The Characters of the Game

The Clown Prince of Baseball: Max Patkin

Just as in many professional sports, there are a small percentage of players that are character-like on the field. Football has it's mean guy, monster-like players that would scare anyone if their actions were performed anywhere off the field. Basketball is known for players that have flair, covered in tattoos, often wearing what's trendy, and in the 1990's, rapping in music videos. Baseball on the other hand, has had a mixture of these types, but a whole other class of characters that is seldom seen in the other sports. Quirky. Whether it's the players, managers, or someone just affiliated with the club in some sort of extraneous way, it seems like every team has at least one person that boosts the team's "weird" credentials.

I give you a list of the top ten characters of baseball over the years.

1. Max Patkin: For 51 years Patkin was crowned "The Clown Prince of Baseball" for his antics as a minor league player, barnstormer, and genuine entertainer after his baseball career was over. A member of the United States Navy during World War II, while pitching for a service team, Patkin allowed a homerun to the legendary Joe DiMaggio. Rather than get angry and forgetting about it, Patkin threw his glove down and started to run the bases behind DiMaggio.

After his career ended, he performed over 4,000 times and never missed a scheduled performance. He wore a baggy uniform with a question mark as his player number and made funny faces to entertain the crowd. His fame as a minor league clown was solidified when he appeared in the baseball movie Bull Durham as himself.

2. Al "The Mad Hungarian" Hrabosky: Hrabosky used theatrics to intimidate the opposing hitters of the team. Facing towards second base, he would vigorously rub down the ball while huffing and puffing. Then he would slam the ball into his mitt, turn around, and have the expression of an angry man. He often yelled on the field and stare down hitters for extended periods of time before throwing a pitch. Off the field he would go shirtless during team batting practices.

3. Rube Waddell: During the offseason, Waddell would wrestle alligators. If that doesn't say enough about him, he was even more peculiar during the season. On multiple occasions he would wave his teammates off the field and tell them he would be striking out the side, often following through on his claim. During games, he was known to leave the stadium when he heard the sirens of passing fire trucks (it was rumored he would chase after them). Opponents would sometimes distract him with "shiny objects" and puppies during the game. His attention was always splintered in multiple directions. Despite all this, he was voted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

4. Yogi Berra: Perhaps the most quotable player in baseball history, his quotes were termed as "Yogiisms". Another Hall of Famer, Yogi was a great player on the field, but with his words, he often dumbfounded those around him. It's still not one hundred percent known if his quotes are created on the spur of the moment or if he pre-planned them. It's also not known if they are intentionally so confusing. Here is a small sample of his past quotes:

-"It's deja vu all over again." - "You can observe a lot by watching." - "Always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise they won't go to yours." - "Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded." - "If you come to a fork in the road, take it." - "I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."

5. Turk Wendell: Perhaps the most superstitious athlete of all time, Wendell officially earned this title from Men's Fitness magazine. During his 11-year career, he would jump over the foul lines, chew black licorice while on the mound, drawn three crosses in the dirt before starting each inning, slamming down the rosin bag as hard as he can every time he used it, and brush his teeth in the dugout in between innings. While signing a contract with the New York Mets, he made them change their offer of $10 million a year to $9,999,999.99 in honor of his uniform number, 99. A hunter during the offseason, Wendell wore a necklace made from the claws and teeth of the animals he hunted.

6. Wade Boggs: Though being known as one of the purest hitters of his generation, Boggs was a slave to routine. One of his most widely known routines was that he had to eat a whole friend chicken before each game (he played in 2,440 regular season games). What many fans didn't know was he had to take 150 grounders during practice. No more. No less. He also would scratch the word "chai" into the dirt before every at-bat (the word means "life" in Hebrew). He would have to take batting practice at exactly 5:17pm and at 7:17pm do his sprints before every night game. Boggs was also known for excessively drinking beer while his team traveled on road trips.

7. Mark Fidrych: Known for his bird-like movements, Fidrych earned the nickname "The Bird". While pitching, he would often talk to the baseball, be seen strolling around the mound, and would even toss a new ball back to the umpire because he felt the ball had "hits" in it. In a OCD-ish sort of a way, he would often smooth the mound with his own bare hands to get rid of the cleat marks of opposing pitchers.

8. Nyger Morgan: Perhaps quirky or perhaps sad, no one could ever fully figure out if Morgan is the victim of multiple personalities. Often calling himself Tony Plush, which would in itself not be too alarming, he once got a game-winning base hit and couldn't recall it minutes later during a postgame interview. He would often thrown up a "T" for Tony, imitate other famous athletes motions, and he would wear a uniform a couple of sizes too big because he felt Tony Plush was a bigger man than he was.

9. Kevin Rhomberg: Despite only playing 41 games in his Major League career, Rhomberg was perhaps the most tactile player to ever play. He had the weird obsession to touch anyone back that touched him and took this "tag" like obsession to a new high. Once tagged with a baseball by teammate Brook Jacoby during a game, Jacoby threw the ball out of the stadium, leading to Rhomberg leaving the stadium and searching for the ball for two hours before finally finding it. Whenever he was tagged out, he would touch the player back instantly. In a game against the New York Yankees, the umpire had to stop the game and warn the Yankees to stop touching Rhomberg because he would run after each player. Once touched on the toe by teammate Rick Sutcliffe while he was in a bathroom stall, Rhomberg ran out of the stall to touch everyone in the clubhouse since he wasn't aware of who touched him. In extreme scenarios, he would mail a letter to a player and write in the letter than receiving the letter constitutes as a "touch", if he couldn't touch the player who touched him during the game.

10. Charlie Kerfeld: Known as the Astros' oddball in the 1980's, Kerfeld demanded that his contract include 37 boxes of orange Jell-O as part of his compensation for playing. A fan of the cartoon series, The Jetsons, Kerfeld had to wear the same Jetsons shirt under his jersey every game. Many times while sitting out in the bullpen, he would wear a Coneheads cone on his head with teammates Larry Anderson and Dave Smith. He was also quoted as once saying that he wanted to team up with Hulk Hogan, Brian Bosworth, and Charles Barkley against the Four Horsemen and would often say he was pondering a career in wrestling, Arena Football, or as a brain surgeon after the end of his baseball career.

DC Superhero Equals Dead Parent(s)

Art by Alex Ross

Many kids grow up with lofty aspirations of what they want to be when they grow up. Everything from being a rock star to being a sports star are often goals the youth of America aspire to achieve. Some kids, especially when they are too young to know better, state they want to be a superhero when they grow up. Watching TV, movies, and reading the stories of their favorite comic book characters, kids often pretend to be their favorite heroes while they play. One of the most popular groups of superheroes that kids emulate is DC's Justice League. Unfortunately, what most kids don't realize, if you want to be a Justice League member, one if not both your parents have to have passed away.

Now there have been many Justice League members over the years, so of course many of them probably still have living parents, but if you look at most of the core members over the years, you'll notice a trend.

Batman: This is probably the most obvious one since the death of Thomas and Martha Wayne basically created the desire in Bruce to become something more than your average kid. Without their death, he would probably resemble something closer to his playboy image he pretends to be when he's Bruce Wayne, rather than the Dark Knight. Without the act of Joe Chill, the world itself might have been destroyed several times over because there would be no Batman to save it.

On a side note, though not a core member of the Justice League, the various Robins have been victim of parental deaths as well. Dick Grayson (Nightwing), the first Robin, was orphaned after his parents were killed while performing. Jason Todd (Red Hood), the second Robin, was originally an acrobat himself and his parents were killed by Killer Croc. This storyline was retconned though and Todd became an orphan who tried to steal the tires off the Batmobile. The third Robin, Tim Drake (Red Robin), started his superhero career after the death of his mother and the crippling of his father. His father would eventually be killed by Captain Boomerang. This story was later retconned as well and Tim Drake's parents would go into hiding in the Witness Protection Program.

Superman: Although raised by the Kents, Superman was originally orphaned when his home planet of Krypton explodes, taking the lives of his parents. Raised by the wholesome Kansas farmers, Superman is more of an alter-ego for Superman, as opposed to Bruce Wayne is the alter-ego to Batman. Not personally knowing his biological parents, Clark is less influenced by their death than he is by the boy scout like demeanor that the Kents instilled in him.

Aquaman: In the Golden Age version of Aquaman's backstory his mother dies while giving birth to Arthur.

The Flash: Barry Allen's family is torn apart when his mother is murdered after he comes home from a spelling bee. Making matters worse, his father is arrested and sent to prison for the death of Allen's mother, despite his father's innocence. Proving this becomes one of Allen's priorities in life and the likely inspiration for his career choice in forensics for the police department.

Green Lantern: Hal Jordan was the son of a test pilot for Ferris Aircraft. Idolizing his father, Hal unfortunately watched his father die right before his eyes when he crashed his plane. Despite witnessing such a traumatic event, Hal eventually became a pilot himself before the ring found him, turning Jordan into the first human Green Lantern.

Green Arrow: The child of millionaires, Oliver Queen learned how to shoot a bow and arrow to emulate Robin Hood. After accidentally killing a small animal, Queen was mildly traumatized. Later on, while on an African safari, Queen witnessed his parents being mauled by lions. He could have saved them, but his hesitation to shoot the lions leads to their death.

Shazam: Billy Batson is a teenager who bounces around from foster home to foster home before acquiring the powers of the Wizard who passed his powers onto Batson.

The Martian Manhunter: While technically not the victim of an early parental death, J'onn J'onzz was a loving father and husband until his family and just about all the other Martians died off from a contagious virus that fed off the telepathic energy that Martians had.

Death By Butter

Every year, millions of people across the country head out to their local fairs, whether it be a county or a state fair, and spend ridiculous amounts of money on things that could kill them. Fair rides always seem to take some lives every year due to the shoddiness of their reassembly or lack of planning on how they exactly work. Occasionally you get a fight that breaks out in a stabbing or shooting on fair grounds as well. Little do people suspect, that the item that is probably killing them off the most is the very food that they eat.

I myself have gone to local fairs, looking forward to the strange new foods that might be available. In the past, it was never a big deal. While fried food is common at these fairs, a little fried food isn't going to send me to my grave much faster than I would already by going. Especially when fairs are usually a yearly occurrence.

Even with the selection of fried goods, my favorite go-to fair food was turkey legs. While they appear to be bigger than any turkey leg I've ever had for a Thanksgiving feast, they were no more likely to kill me than whatever fast food or TV dinner I would have probably popped in my mouth if I hadn't attended the fair on that particular day. Just a week ago, I even tried fried alligator for the first time (it was okay, but lacked flavor and was a bit chewy).

In the last 10 years or so, the gods of fried food stepped up their game and created meals that could probably kill a person on the spot.

First, I noticed sweets that were fried. Twinkies, Snickers, and Oreos appeared to be the first ones that I could tell. I even gained the courage to try the fried Oreos, only to be disappointed by the lack of the addicting Oreo cream and the mushiness of the whole desert because of the addition of grease from frying the snack. Instantly I found myself turned off by the whole ideal.

Even then, I always kept a look out for what the new concoction would be when a fair rolled into my region. Snacks such as fried chocolate covered bacon appeared and partially because of my experience with the fried Oreos and for my lack of appetite for chocolate, I refrained from buying the newest fried good.

What came next, I could not have ever foreseen. Fried butter. Yep, you read that right. Fried butter. Apparently it comes with a slight cinnamon flavor, but essentially you are just eating fried grease, fried in liquid grease. If the gods of fried food were ever going to try to kill you, this is the weapon they would pick.

When I saw fried butter for the first time at the San Diego County Fair, I thought to myself that no one would ever order something like that. To some small degree, I can understand someone trying a fried dessert because you might enjoy that dessert in an un-fried form. And while people enjoy the flavor on things such as popcorn, it's not usually something you would grab from your refrigerator and eat like a candy bar.

Somehow, despite the absurdity of the fried good, people ordered the fried butter. Millions of pounds of it must have been sold across America. And why? I don't know. I can only guess that America's obsession with fatty foods has reached it's pinnacle. At least I hope so. The only thing worse that I can think of is the concession stand worker scooping up a cup of the fry machine oil, putting a straw and lid on it, and selling it for $10.

While food you don't normally have on a regular basis and can't get everyday at a typical restaurant is an okay thing to have occasionally, it feels that fried butter was only invented to kill it's consumer instantly. Other than the cigarette industry, I can't think of a product that is made with the thinly veiled attempt to hide that the product is a poor health choice.

Hopefully with the long life ahead, I almost shudder to think what the fair-food industry will come up with next.

*picture taken by Daniel Millhouse at the San Diego County Fair